There are days that are so lonely that I wonder if living anymore is even worth it. My Mom died in December 2009. I took care of her during her last years. She was sick since 2006 and she became like my child, she was my mother and she was my best friend. We became closer than ever - what she needed or wanted I tried my best to make all her wishes come true until the end when she was in ICU and the doctors told me there was no hope. All her organs were shutting down and all her health issues were compounded with MRSA, heart disease and pneumonia.
She didn't want to die. I watched her fight dieing - she couldn't swallow her pills anymore but she gave it a good fight and tried to chew them in order to get them down. When she spoke the medicine came out with her breath as she spoke because they were not going down her throat but she wasn't going to give up.
Her pain was so terrible that she did not even want to hold my hand anymore and when I took her hand she would pull it away. It will take me a long time to get over losing her. I miss her so much and only wish that if I had to get laid off, why couldn't it have been when she was still alive so I could spend quality time with her. Life just isn't fair.
Soon after her death I was laid off from my job. There are days I don't get dressed and just walk around the house in circles wondering what happened to my life? My friends worked with me - I worked there so long they were my only friends - and my Mother was my best friend and now I don't have her either. My first born daughter told me her family will be moving out of state because it's just too hard to make ends meet here. I am still in a whirl wind - wondering how in a matter of two months the rug could be pulled out from under my feet and leave me feeling sad, loney and heart broken.
Freckles
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